The Secret to Being Bold
Aloha, ko'u 'ohana! (I’m practicing written Hawaiian—that is my attempt at “What up, fam!”)
I am currently deep down in the rabbit hole of research mode, working on an upcoming project. I'm jumping out of my shorts about it and can barely stop myself from spilling every last bean about it right noooow! I cannot wait to tell you but, alas, there can be no bean spillage quite yet.
THERE’S ALWAYS ONE TELLTALE SIGN I’M IN RESEARCH MODE.
My eyebrows. (Weren’t expecting that, were ya!?)
I take a strange amount of pride in my eyebrows. The world needs more brow hubris, I say! Generally, they are the dark graceful arches that frame my face. But if left unattended for longer than 36 hours, it pretty much takes an industrial weed wacker to beat them back into submission.
When I go full-nerd, these brows begin to resemble two woolly bear caterpillars battling to the death over the territory above my eyeballs. The right one calls in the cavalry while the left relies on its high-ground advantage and canon fire.
When I emerge from these research binges, my brows look like the lovechild of Eugene Levi and Alf.
BUT O HOLY HECK, I LOVE RESEARCH!
Elbows deep in studies and academic journals and psych books is my happy place. Renown psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi—who graciously lets his friends call him Mike—would refer to this untamed-eyebrow time as being in a state of Flow.
Flow is a perfect storm where the level of challenge in a task stretches our level of ability and desire to do it—but not so far that it feels unachievable. It is the mental state of being so immersed in a task that we lose all sense of time. And Magic Mike is right. Because somehow during these sessions, my coffee is always cold because two hours of rapt attention go by between sips. Nothing but whole-ass Nerd Flow can pull me away from that sweet nectar of the gods for that long.
One of these rabbit-chasing adventures resulted in the idea that would evolve into the Bold Introvert model.
Last week, we looked at Bold Introverts as walking contradictions and why that’s is the best thing about them. This week, I want to explain why that is. It has a lot to do with what I discovered in that long-ago Flow: a theory presented by former Harvard and Oxford professor Dr. Brian Little.
ITS CALLED FREE TRAIT THEORY.
Professor Little and I have some things in common, including that we both love to get up and present about what he calls our “core personal projects.” And then we both like to go hide in a bathroom stall immediately afterward to escape the sensory stimuli and remind ourselves that breathing is quite critical when you're attempting to not die.
We also share a love of personality psychology. In his decades of research and observation, he developed Free Trait Theory to explain why and how it is possible—and sometimes necessary—to act outside of our fixed personality traits.
For all the introverts who have ever been told to “just be more extroverted" and it will solve their problems, I want to say that while that's not right, it's not ENTIRELY wrong (only like 98% wrong). Longitudinal studies show that our personality traits are relatively fixed over our adult lives. BUT, we should not consider these traits immovable.
We all need to interact with the outside world in some ways if we want to bring our bold ideas—our core personal projects—to fruition.
Our core personal projects are the stuff we really give a damn about. For Bold Introverts, it’s whatever inspires the bold part of our moniker.
One example of the use of Free Trait Theory that Susan Cain does a great job of illustrating in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, is Rosa Parks. By all accounts, Rosa Parks was a reserved, unassuming woman who did not seek the limelight. That said, no one can deny that she was also incredibly bold. I never had the honor of meeting her myself, but I am willing to wager a kidney that one of Rosa Parks' core personal projects was seeking justice and equity for Black people in America.
There are countless other stories of introverts making tsunami-sized waves. On global, national, and local levels, some of our very best leaders have been Bold Introverts. And if I have anything to say about it, this will continue to increase in a big way.
Michelle Obama, who is undoubtedly one of the best orators of our time, is very likely an introvert. As was the late Nelson Mandela. I recently wrote about Hannah Gadsby who is another bold introvert. Emma Watson, actress and activist, is a self-proclaimed introvert. Steven Spielberg. Elenore Roosevelt. Michael Jordan. Stephen King. Larry Page. Warren Buffet. Audrey Hepburn. Even the delightfully extravagant Lady Gaga and Elton John are introverts.
All of these people are introverts who chose the whens, wheres, and hows of using their voices in powerful ways—having major impacts in their fields and the world.
The secret to using Free Trait Theory to have the kind of impact you want is to make sure you are using it judiciously and only in service of your core personal projects. For introverts, harnessing this power means owning the wheres, whens, and hows of our engagement with the outside world. When we take control of those elements, when we're strategic with our energies, we can become truly unstoppable.
Enter the Bold Introvert.
What Free Trait Theory offers Bold Introverts is the acknowledgment that we can act out of character some of the time in order to be ourselves most of the time. That doesn’t make us inauthentic. That doesn’t make us ambiverts. And that doesn’t mean we must accept the “extrovert is best” idea in order to make a big impact.
IT MEANS WE CAN HAVE OUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
We can embrace the many dynamic strengths of being introverts while also taking bold stances and using our voices in powerful ways in service of what we care about most. Many of us do this naturally to some extent—we’re reticent types until someone steps on our ideals, then we turn into soul-destroying banshees for example. But with thoughtful, strategic, and intentional use of free traits, there’s nothing a Bold Introvert can’t do.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a weed wacker.