3 Tips for Writing Bomb-Ass Email Subject Lines
I broke the cardinal rule of sending lust-worthy emails. One of them anyway. There are like 642 depending on who you ask. I mean, that’s a lot of cardinals! (Did you know a flock of cardinals is called a RADIANCE?! How’s that for some confidence?!) In any case, this rule I broke was a biggy.
I GOT LAZY WITH THE SUBJECT LINE.
We all do it. We write this great email or blog or article and then go to send it out with some limp noodle subject line.
When it comes to effective subject lines, there can be no limp noodles. NO. LIMP. NOODLES.
Even though I know how important this is, I still occasionally flopper this whopper. Sometimes it’s because I’m lazy and sometimes it’s because I’m trying to keep the mystery around content. I act like it’s some sort of surprise grab bag with question marks printed all over it. That can work, but even then you have to write a subject line good enough that people just can’t wait to tear that thing open to find out what’s *really* inside.
Last week I wrote this piece about how we still need to laugh even during hurricane-force shitstorms and I sent it out with the subject line “Hoo-Ray, Tax Day! (said no one ever)”
*cringe*
The joke was that the email wasn’t about taxes but ONLY I KNEW THAT. I buried the lede. I wrapped it up in so much mystery that I made it invisible.
I didn’t want to give away the goods right away! That’s like telling the punchline before the opener, right?
Wrong!
In actuality, it’s giving readers what they want most: respect for their time and intelligence. No one cares if I think I’m a hot toddy. They care about their limited resources of time and attention.
YOU GOTTA GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!
So when you’re about to hit send, think about your own email behaviors. I don’t know about you, but unless George Carlin himself is sending emails from the afterlife, I’m not rushing to open an email with a limp noodle subject line. (Let’s be real though, Carlin would be writing stuffed manicotti subject lines. But I digress…).
The point is, if it doesn’t slap me in the brain when I first read it, it’s relegated to the “read later” pile, which is the inbox version of that one drawer you throw all your random stuff in then unceremoniously heave into the trash bin every six months.
Want proof that you can lay it all out there without diluting the ZAP-POW-BANG? Look no further than Hannah Freakin’ Gadsby’s latest stand-up special, Douglas.
Hannah Gadsby is 7,000 flavors of hot-buttered brilliant. And she’s kind of notorious for breaking with convention. (If you have not already seen her previous special, Nanette, go watch it immediately. Seriously, don’t even finish reading this. Just go watch it… Okay, you back? Amazing, right?)
Gadsby begins Douglas by telling you that she’s about to explain the whole show before it starts. And then she does just that.
And ya know what? IT IS SO FREAKIN’ GOOD. Not in spite of her laying it all out in the beginning, but because of it. It was absolute genius.
But I got all cocky about what I wrote. Then, instead of riding that wave of arrogance straight to the Isle of Fantastic Email Subject Lines, I left to go scrounge around the fridge and convince myself that the random I tortilla found is basically just a really, really flat pita bread so it’s totally legit to use it to scoop hummus straight out of the container because I’m that dignified.
I LET THE SUBJECT LINE BECOME AN AFTERTHOUGHT. AND IT WAS THE LEAST OPENED EMAIL I’VE SENT IN MONTHS.
After perusing the @EffinBirds account on Instagram purely for the catharsis (who knew that the combined effect of F-bombs and pheasants could make you pee your pants from laughing?), I sat down to write this list in hopes of helping you keep your sent folder free of flaccid pasta.
Here are 3 #protips on writing emails titles that leave people saying “Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!”
Make it conversational. This doesn’t necessarily mean casual (à la moi). If you’re a CPA you may or may not want to have the word “bomb-ass” in your subject line (if you are a CPA who puts “bomb-ass” in their emails though, hit me up because I clearly need to get on that list).
Ultimately, you know your audience best so conversational means what you think it does. How would you talk to your audience or clients if they were sitting across the table from you? Would you say, “Please Read ABC CPA’s Weekly Newsletter, Volume 36” or would you say, “Use these six tips to save time (and money!) during tax season”? Which option gives you an idea of what it’s about? Which seems more accessible?Don’t be an introvert. WHAAAAT?! The Bold Introvert is telling me not to be an introvert?! When it comes to subject lines, yes, yes she is.
You see, introverts often speak in nuances. Delightful, lyrical, beautiful nuances. This is an exceptional tool and skill in so many ways—but NOT in email subject lines.
You know those extroverts who are so direct that it feels like they just used their point to sew a counted cross-stitch right up your face? Note: These are often the same extroverts who come up with an AMAZING idea right out of the blue! You know, the same amazing idea that you told them about three months ago—and you start to wonder if you’re actually Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense thinking you’re talking to people but really they can’t hear you ‘cause you’re dead… (I’d say *spoiler alert* but that movie is from 1999 so if I just ruined it for you, it’s time it’s to stop perusing the dELiA*s catalog and get your life together... but go ahead and order me some glitter butterfly clips and a chunky purple Baby G watch first! Then wait six to eight weeks for them to arrive. #nostalgia).
This is the only time I’m ever going to say this, but… be more like those extroverts. When it comes to email subjects: when in doubt, get to the point.Thou shalt write no less than 25 subject lines before hitting send. I mean this one. This is the Queen Cardinal of the Radiance right here!
One of the best indicators of a good writer is that they write, a lot. The same is true for a million other things. Quantity is a core driver of quality. So make sure you kiss a butt-ton of subject lines before you marry one.
This is where I got lazy last week. I only wrote… one. Had I taken the time to go and write more, would I have sent that email with the same subject line? Maybe, but probably not. I likely would have thought of all the different ways I could have introduced the content of that email and realized my first choice was the wrong one.
As an example, here are the 25 possible subject lines this email could have had:
Don’t make the same mistake I did (write baller subject lines instead)
How to get people to *not* open your emails
Leave the mysteries to Sherlock: How to write clear subject lines
Get EXPLICIT in your inbox (not THAT kind of explicit, get your head outta the gutter) <— this one definitely would have tripped the spam filters
This email is from George Carlin <— LIES!
Give the people what they want
I got served a hot slice of humble pie
F-Bombs and Pheasants <— not gonna lie, I really wanted to use this one
Set course for the Isle of Fantastic Email Subject Lines
Excessive punctuation is not the only way to kill your email subjects
642 rules for sending emails people actually open (but one really big one)
Some tips for writing non-shitty email subjects <— you will get lazy halfway through writing this list, it’s part of the process
Why Hannah Gadsby is better than everyone
3 Ways to avoiding the inbox “junk drawer”
Don’t land in your readers’ “junk drawer”
Avoid this mistake when sending emails <— zzzzzzzzzzzz
Don’t send another email before reading this! <— I hate these click-baity ones but they’re evvvvvvverywhere because…they work.
Top reasons why no one is reading your emails <— umm, rude, Angela.
Limp noodles and other email faux pas
3 ways to take your email from “junk folder” to “monk smolder” <— this doesn’t even make sense, what am I doing again?
The easy way (ha ha, right) to write email subject lines
Reading this will make you 30% more attractive
Why is it harder to write subject lines than a whole damned blog post?
I’d rather be browsing the dELiA*s catalog, but instead I’m reading this email
I hate writing email subject lines so please just open me!!!!!!!! <— When you hit “desperate loser” status, you’ve written enough subject lines
As you can see, this process can be painful to get through and even more painful to re-read. But that’s the point. Get the shitty subject lines out of your system so they don’t land in someone’s inbox.
Okay, here’s the fun part! Send me THE WORST email subject line you’ve received lately! If it’s “Hoo-Ray, Tax Day! (said no one ever)”, I’ll only cry for a little while, I promise.
Stay bold and awesome!