Bold Introverts are Walking Contradictions (and that's awesome)
Growing up, I loooooved Green Day. Because, as we all know, nothing screams “pUnK rOcK!” louder than a girl from the Midwest who had her first drink on her 21st birthday, at which point she ordered a piña colada while at dinner with her mom’s friends. An experience I’m sure Billie Joe Armstrong can relate to.
In 1995, Green Day release a song called Walking Contradiction and suddenly I felt so *understood*. A 20-something punk rocker from the Bay Area was the only one who really got my school-girl struggle of not fitting in anywhere. And I gained a life-long theme song.
BOLD INTROVERT: A COMING OF AGE STORY
I was a studious kid, but also a creative one who didn’t like rules that made no sense to me. I was written up on more than one occasion for being disruptive—which is American-educational-system lingo for “bored.”
I wore weird flashy clothes that no one else did. Like the too-big yellow patented leather kitten heels that I found at a garage sale.
I was never any good at fitting in, despite my best efforts.
Subconsciously, my little brain was yelling, “What’s so great about fitting in? Why do I have to wear the exact same Calvin Klein jeans as every other girl in my class when I have YELLOW PATENTED LEATHER KITTEN HEELS in my closet?”
My friends’ parents (and my parent’s friends) all thought I was great. That was the problem, I guess.
Somehow whenever a friend had a party, I’d always end up in the kitchen discussing the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict with someone’s dad rather than in the basement listening to Chumbawumba and overdosing on cheese doodles like the other kids.
While my fashion sense improved (I did go on to be voted “Trend Setter” in my senior high yearbook by doing exactly the same thing I’d been teased relentlessly for as a kid… wearing what I liked), that sense of not understanding what’s so great about being like everyone else has remained steadfast.
Unconventional as I was, though, I was never loud. And while I may have marched to the beat of my own accordion, I wasn’t that socially awkward. I was just… different. Quiet, pensive, reserved. But also opinionated, passionate, and jacked up on busting the status quo.
AMBIVERTS ARE LIKE CIVIL CONVERSATIONS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, THEY DON’T EXIST.
The conclusion one might draw from this information is I’m an ambivert. By definition, an ambivert is someone with both introverted and extroverted tendencies.
HOLY OCTOPUS IN A TOP HAT RIDING A RABID REINDEER, have I got a love/hate relationship with ambiversion!
Because ambiversion is kinda not really a thing.
The way I see it, no one is an ambivert because everyone is an ambivert. We all have introverted and extroverted qualities in our personalities. But we all also generally have a preference, even if it’s slight, for one or the other. (I’m going to dive into this deeper next week so hang tight!)
(Note: If you push back against this statement because you know some “extreme introverts” who don’t have extrovert qualities, I’m going to bet they have some level of social anxiety. While there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS, having social anxiety and being an introvert are not the same thing. Those with social anxiety fear being judged if they speak up or act out in the world. For some, this fear runs so deep that it becomes debilitating. Introverts *can* engage with the world in extrovert fashion without feeling this deep fear, but they prefer to do it less often.)
To me, then, ambiversion can be an easy excuse to not dig a little deeper into how we tick.
My challenge—as someone whose Keanu-given mission is to catapult as many badass bold introverts into the next stratosphere as possible—is that a lot of these people don’t recognize that they are bold introverts. They accept the ambivert moniker or keep trying to convince themselves and everybody else that they’re actually extroverts, which only leads to burnout and discontentment.
My job would be easier if the idea if ambiverts wasn’t a thing, but then again, me and my yellow-shoe-wearing inner child have always loved a challenge!
THE POWER OF SQUARE PEGS
Eleven thousand years after the release of Walking Contradiction, I’m a grown-ass woman who still loves Green Day. And I’m more of a walking contradiction now than ever. The main difference? Before, I wanted more than anything to fit in somewhere… anywhere.
And now? I’ve come to delight in my incongruences. Instead of hiding my square peg-iness, I built a business around it—one that helps other square pegs fall in love with their contradictions too.
These are the quiet rebels who I call bold introverts.
Bold introverts are like a personality smorgasbord.
They’re reflective and observant, able to consider the long-term ramifications of actions because they take the time to weigh the possibilities. They’re also bossy (this is a term of endearment and if you disagree, I will fight you), and dynamic, and innovative.
They feel like rebels on the inside.
Their ideas and opinions are sharp and fierce. But because of their tendency to listen first rather than speak, they don’t always appear as bold to others as they know themselves to be.
When they learn to control the whens, wheres, and hows, of pulling on their assertive pants though—move the eff out of their way.
Their boldness won’t be contained. And that is the whole idea.
I’d love to hear your story about being a walking contradiction and how you are (or would like to) own your bold side (bonus points if it involves 90s punk music). Shoot me a message and let me know! Introverts can struggle to talk about themselves, but I promise my inbox is a no-bullshit, judgment-free zone!