We need more introverted leaders. Now.
Boxed macaroni and cheese is my nemesis. It’s one of those things that everyone is supposed to be able to make. Boil water, add noodles, stir in cheese. Done. Simple.
But nooo! Not me! I can make it through the water boiling and noodle cooking, but the cheese stirring is my Achille’s heel.
It doesn’t matter how much milk and butter I add. It doesn’t matter if I stir until my arm falls off and lands on the pile of lumpy orange noodles.
No matter what I do, I can’t get that wicked little packet of cheese to mix in. Then it mocks me, delighted when—every third bite or so—I chomp down on a clump of dusty cheese. It’s like inhaling a cheddar-flavored moth.
Truth: I’m never going to be the next Julia Child. It ain’t gonna happen. I’m 100% okay with that. My role on this blue dot was never to lead people into culinary ecstasy. My role is to help bold introverts make their fucking marks.
(If you’re a bold introvert who is looking to open up a macaroni restaurant, let me know. I’m not above trading services for mac that doesn’t taste like eating an actual sock.)
The point is, we don’t have to be good at—or have an opinion on—everydamnthing in order to lead.
THE WORLD IS STARVING FOR GOOD LEADERS—NOT PERFECT LEADERS.
Because of that, I want to chat with you about something important, topical, and urgent: introverted leadership.
So much of what we believe about introverts and leaders comes down to perception. But perception and reality are not the same thing. When perception biases creep into important decisions—like who should lead and how—we can lose sight of what matters.
One of these perception biases is our collective assumption that those who yell the loudest have the most support. This can be dangerous for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is when a quiet majority feels there’s no use in pushing back because clearly they must be outnumbered.
In the U.S., this bias plays out all over. A garish example is front yards festooned with not one, but like 870 political signs—all for the same candidate. (In keeping with our powdered cheese theme, the signs in these yards usually support a certain quasi-sentient Cheeto.) These signs have become the lawn ornament equivalent of the people who regularly type in ALL CAPS FOR NO REASON. It’s long past time for the garden gnomes to stage a coup if you ask me.
It’s not only my anecdotal observations that support this bias. Studies have shown that talkative people are viewed as smarter, better looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends—even though all of those things are objectively untrue.
I mean c’mon, I’m an introvert and I am brilliant and adorable! I’ve even been called annoyingly likable (best compliment ever), so where are they getting these ideas?!
As more and more people are coming to understand right now—personal opinions are often a reflection of cultural biases. This is how systemic white supremacy, the belief that women don’t belong in positions of leadership, and a host of other harmful ideologies are perpetuated. Yep, we’ve just pivoted from dusty macaroni to systemic oppression—welcome to this party!
These biases aren’t always blatant. We don’t have to be openly racist—yep, we can even have Black friends—to think and act in ways that support biases against Black people. In fact, we don’t have to be aware of the biases at all to support them. It’s an inevitable byproduct of living in a culture that is built upon them. This is why they’re so insidious and it’s why it’s so important to question our own thoughts.
Another bias serves to compound this whole rotten banana. It’s the one where we confuse conviction with competence. Be it our own or others’. Once more for good measure: we confuse conviction with competence.
One study in particular is lodged even deeper in my hippocampus than the Baby Shark song. It revealed that pundits—those TV & web personalities who are paid to make predictions off of scarce amounts of insufficient data—are accurate less often than if they had flipped a coin.
What?!
But no one can deny that they are confident and assertive in their statements! So people believe them. (That’s buuull-shit, doo doo, doo-doo doo doo…🎶)
There’s obvious danger when someone says something with conviction and we assume that means they’re competent. It’s the basis for Brandolini’s Law:
“The amount of energy necessary to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it.”
Once something has been said, trying to disprove it is like trying to get toothpaste back in the tube. This is why the mind-numbing oxymoron of “alternative facts” can even exist. There’s metaphorical toothpaste everyfuckingwhere!
When we take these assertive statements at face value, we skip the critical step of pausing to reflect and consider the implications. Incidentally, reflection is something many introverts are naturally wired to do.
In a culture where those same introverts are being bombard by the Extrovert Ideal—the notion that the ideal self is gregarious and adores the spotlight—it can feel like we’re fighting an uphill battle. In reality though, introverts offer much-needed balance in leadership. This balancing of perspectives provides opportunities for sums to be greater than their parts. When both introverts and extroverts accept the strengths of the other—big things can happen.
Organizational psychologist, Adam Grant—whom you may remember is my mind-candy man-crush—wanted to understand why traditional definitions of leadership seemed to run counter to the excellent leaders he was observing out in the real world. (I’m about to fangirl over his research here so buckle up!)
In challenging existing perspectives on leadership, Grant found two juicy research whoppers. First, the correlation between extroversion and leadership was negligible.
Second, existing studies were based on people’s perception of what made a good leader, as opposed to actual results.
Much like how we confuse confidence with competence, we overestimate how outgoing leaders need to be.
Grant’s studies of what makes a good leader revealed a critical concept.
CONTEXT MATTERS.
He discovered that introverts are innately good at leading initiative-takers. Whereas extroverts are better at leading and motivating less proactive people.
In oversimplified terms: If you want people to follow instructions without suggesting alternatives, find the types that don’t mind doing so, and put an extrovert in charge to keep them motivated. If, however, you want people who are known for their innovation and ideas, find initiative-takers, and fill leadership roles with introverts.
Here’s why it works: Introverts are more likely to listen to and implement suggestions from others. Being heard and respected creates a cycle of proactivity—thus turning all group members into leaders when it comes to innovation and ideas.
Extroverts in charge may be more inclined to put their own stamp on things (especially if they, too, believe that conviction equals competence) and that puts them at risk of losing out on others’ good ideas and seeing their team lapse into passivity.
Bold introverts have the power to make massive, positive impacts as leaders. If we don’t let biases hold us back, but challenge them instead, we can play an active role in making our communities and countries better places for everyone.
WE NEED LISTENERS IN LEADERSHIP, NOT JUST TALKERS.
In the next installment of this introverted leadership series we’re going to peek inside your grey matter and see how introverts’ brains are physiologically and neurochemically different from extroverts—and what that means for introverted leaders! You don’t want to miss it!
Got thoughts? Hit me up!