I wasn't her cup of tea
A few months ago I posted one of my blogs to LinkedIn.
(I don’t know why I’m still on LinkedIn to be honest. It’s not exactly prime stomping grounds for sweary, opinionated introvert coaches. It’s headshots and neckties. I’m more about moonshots and Mai Tais. 🍹🍹)
Then, a reader sent me private message critiquing my use of slang and my stylistic choices. She was kind in her delivery and her intention was to be constructive and helpful. I cannot stress enough that this woman meant well.
I try my damnedest—with varying degrees of success—to stay open and willing to learn from negative feedback because I know that critique challenges me to improve. So, I weighed her comments as objectively as I could, and then… I let them go.
It’s worth noting that choosing to dismiss a nice woman’s criticism is A LOT harder than blowing off some random asswad who gets his jollies from slinging mud.
Here’s the important part: Her comments would have been spot-on, if hers was the audience I aim to reach.
But it isn’t.
A self-proclaimed extrovert, she’s a motherly woman-of-a-certain-age who uses the word “spiritual” in describing her work. **game show buzzer noise** What this tells me is that, as kind as she is, she’s not the person who my words are intended for.
I WAS NOT HER CUP OF TEA. AND THAT’S OKAY.
When I first set out as a writer and coach, I performed some gravity-defying lexical gymnastics to avoid saying anything that might turn someone—anyone—off. In an effort not to bunch any undies, I didn’t say anything that would excite.
There was no razzle and very little dazzle.
I played it too safe and did the most dangerous thing I could for my budding business: I made myself invisible. Amidst the electric hum of billions of voices on the internet, mine got lost.
To help me pivot, I outlined these core truths: I’m hot for words. And hotter for ideas. And hottest for using words to showcase ideas in ways that offer value to those I seek to serve. When it comes to the kinds of words and ideas that help introverts pull on their ass-kicking pantaloons, I’m basically running around with my hair on fire at all times.
None of the words or style choices I employ now are without thought and intention. They’re all meant to speak to a specific group of people. *Ahem* You. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re my favorite flavor of perfect, weird little cupcake. You’d better believe I have cartoon hearts shooting out of my eyeballs about finding you.
The main takeaway is this: When it comes to finding and using your voice as a bold introvert, the percentage of people you reach may not be gigantic, BUT—and this is “Oh my God, Becky, look at her but”—
THE PEOPLE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR ARE LOOKING FOR YOU.
They want your message, your gifts, your words.
It’s your job to make it easy for these dreamboats to find you so you can commence making that sweet, sweet music together. Whether your song involves copywriting, crafting artisanal sipping vinegars (yes, this is a thing and I am here 👏 for 👏 it 👏), or sewing bespoke cat costumes doesn’t matter so much as knowing who you’re serenading in the first place.
Who will drool over your witty copy? Who can’t wait to mix up a currant shrub cocktail? Who will lose their damned marbles over that tiny kitten cowboy hat?
Whatever your message** is, don’t dilute it out of fear of losing people. That’s going to happen anyway—some churn is normal and to be expected. You may as well allow people to self-select whether your message is one they want. (It saves a lot of time when cleaning up your email lists too. Productivity bonus!)
I’m not saying you need to become a potty-mouthed smartass to get noticed. My schtick doesn’t need to be your schtick. (I mean, unless you’re into that sorta thing.) I’m brazen in my writing because it’s where it feels good and natural, and above all—pleasurable. If that that ain’t you, tootz, there’s nothing wrong with that! For example, it’s pleasurable for me to spell the word as “tootz” rather than the technically correct “toots” because I enjoy the letter Z and because I don’t want you thinking I just referred to you as a small fart.
WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO.
For me, it’s bold introverts—a term that paints a very specific picture in my head. Thoughtful. Ambitious. Tenacious. HUNGRY REBELS.
Every word I write, I write for the people in that picture. This is the reason I have a list of 300+ articles/posts I haven’t written yet. Until I know I can write it in a way that serves and engages bold introverts (bonus points if they laugh till they pee a little), it stays on the list. Sometimes I’ll look at the same topic fifty times before it finally clicks and I know how to proceed.
Consider who needs what you’re offering. Get specific.
Then talk to them.
You’ll both be glad you did.
**Unless your message is hateful, inflammatory, or denigrates or denies people their humanity. If that’s you (it’s probably not), kindly Felicia your ass off my site. Kthnxbye.