Strengths, Skills, and Shakira
I used to draw portraits.
I was really into it. I bought the fancy paper, and pencils, and those little sticks made of rolled-up paper that come to a point for blending and shading. I got pretty good at it and even sold a few commissioned pieces. Then I stopped. I haven’t picked up one of those little rolled up paper deals for the better part of a decade.
I’ve got similar stories dating back to childhood about cellos, and ice skates, and jewelry making, and bartending (This one came later. Don’t call CPS.). And, and, and.
For a long time, I thought I was just incapable of sticking with something. That is until I discovered personality psychology and the concept of strengths versus skills.
Strengths and skills are not the same thing. Understanding the difference is critical. It also makes that whole self-compassion thing a hell of a lot easier.
The difference between strengths and skills may seem obvious enough when we stop to think about it. However, I’d wager most of us don’t often stop to think about it. There’s just enough overlap between them to cause us to go about our lives conflating the two.
Skills can be learned. Strengths must be nurtured. Skills can be defined in simple, straightforward terms. Strengths have many and nuanced interpretations and definitions. Skills come and go. Strengths are perennial.
Skills are the things that we can do, our abilities to accomplish tasks, our trades. Strengths—as defined by Dr. Martin Seligman, the godfather of positive psych—are “values in action.” They are part of our character. They are the frame our personalities are built around. They are the key to our success in life and in our creative endeavors.
Here’s an example of the difference: If a little old lady spends her days knitting little blankets, she’s exercising a skill: knitting little blankets. If she’s knitting little blankets that she then donates to a local shelter that gives them homeless puppies, she may also be exercising her strength of Kindness. Strengths breathe life into skills.
Public speaking is a skill. Zest is a strength. Coding is a skill. Curiosity is a strength. Listening is a skill. Love is a strength. Multi-tasking is not a skill or a strength. (It’s scientifically disproven bovine poo. Stop doing it.)
Possessing certain strengths can, of corse, predispose you to excelling at specific skills but they’re not mutually inclusive.
If you wish to learn how to speak a new language you might assume that it would be great to have a strength like Perseverance. It would allow you to stick to a regimented study schedule and soon you’d be rolling your Rs so naturally that Carlos the Smokin’ Hot Barista is sure to take notice.
You wouldn’t be wrong; Perseverance is an awesome strength. If, however, you have a core strength of Creativity you may think you don’t stand a chance at learning a new language. That, my little cabbage, is where you would be wrong.
Having an understanding of your strengths gives you a huge leg up in figuring out the best ways to succeed in applying them.
There’s a multi-billion-dollar self-help industry built around serving up the how-tos of success. If you visit the Amazon review section of any book on productivity, or creativity, or overcoming limiting beliefs, or losing weight, or whatever form of selp-helpery calls to you, you are almost guaranteed to see a whole lot of 5-star ratings as well as the obligatory handful of confused and disappointed (and sometimes downright salty) one-star people who can’t fathom how so many people found this garbage helpful!
I’m going to go out on a limb and bet that whoever wrote the book has very different character strengths than those one-star readers. That’s okay. There is no one-size-fits-all for human potential.
If you want to learn a new language and you’re taking direction from someone who leverages Perseverance, while that strength falls further down on your list, you’ll likely end up setting your keyboard ablaze with the fiery passion of your one-star review.
However, if you understand that Creativity or possibly Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence are at the top of your strengths hierarchy, you may find reading Walt Whitman and hanging out with Gloria Estefan to be a better route.
Because that’s how Shakira did it.
Shakira didn’t speak English before launching a U.S. tour. But she used her desire to write her own music in a new language and reach more people as the fuel for her learning. Her strength of Creativity supported her skill development in learning English.
Oh and she now speaks five languages in case you were wondering.
I don’t want to undersell the value of skills. Skills are important for things like being employable, enjoyable, and otherwise being a functional human being. Yet skills evolve. Modern technology makes them evolve even faster.
There was a day when being skilled in long division or metric conversion or remembering people’s phone numbers may have made you an asset. Now, with tiny computers living in everyone’s pockets (or permanently affixed to their dominant hand) that are capable of way more impressive things than figuring out how many pounds are in a kilogram, those skills are no longer as useful.
As we evolve, the need for new and different skills evolves as well. This is why it’s more important now than ever to develop our character strengths. When we consciously flex our strengths while growing our skills we allow those skills to build on themselves and add richness to our lives.
My skill as a portraitist may no longer be used in its original incarnation but what it taught me about aesthetics and perspective was advantageous when it came time to design my logo and brand my website.
There’s one critically important truth about strengths that can be hard to swallow, however: You will never be as capable at wielding a strength that falls further down your list than those who possess them as their top strengths. Equally true is that fact that just because something is innate, does not mean we’re automatically and consistently good at it.
Our strengths need to be nurtured. If we neglect them in favor of trying to build up the ones that come less naturally to us, our natural strengths will atrophy.
This is not to say that you’ll never utilize your less developed strengths. We use all of the character strengths some of the time. The point is to give yourself permission to be the best you that you can be. You do this by allowing your strengths to be your strengths.
I no longer play the cello, or ice skate, or bartend, but it’s not because I’m inept or incapable of sticking with something. It’s because two of my core strengths are Love of Learning and Curiosity. It wasn’t that I necessarily wanted to do all those things, it’s that I wanted to know how to do all those things. Understanding this has allowed me to reframe my mindset and reshape my lifestyle in a way that lets me be the majestic beast bold introvert I was always meant to be.
When you grow your strengths and allow them to guide the development of your skills, you (and the rest of us) will reap the benefits of both.
*** One caveat I want to add here is to urge you to resist placing value judgements on your strengths. We live in a culture that places emphasis on, and elevates, certain strengths. But if I may point out, we also live in a culture that is broken. I will dive into this more deeply in a future post but I hope I have succeeded here in illustrating that there are no bad strengths. All strengths have value and all strengths have a wide variety of applications. It can take some creativity to find the best application of them to move you toward your goals but it is ultimately the wiser and more fulfilling path.
Of course, if you want help identifying your strengths and applying them in your life, that’s kiiiiind of my jam. Reach out.